the sinner in me
2009 Resolutions
Keep studying
Be a great boyfriend, and a good son
Be more all-rounded
Stop shrinking and start growing again
Be able to answer to myself
My Second Wind
I fear stagnation and lack of progress. I fear never reaching my potential and being average. I fear being forgotten. The past. Yesterday's news. I fear giving up and being passed by, going softly into that good night. I fear letting those I love down, letting myself down. I fear settling, giving in to the "that's just the way it is" mindset. I fear dying without leaving my mark. I fear not feeling these fears anymore and just floating along. These fears feed me, they nourish my drive.
I love my fear.
spoke to a 60 year old lady on the phone today at work. she seemed so friendly, asking about why we didn't show old english movies from yesteryears, and that the actresses in those days were really beautiful. then she went on to talk to me about how to pick a girlfriend, asking me how old i was and when i told her i was 20, she said immediately, "aiyah, still young, surely no problem"..
the fallen saint left at 8:32 pm
i think i've an ulcer in my throat and on my tongue. i find it amusing that even the doctor couldn't give me a definite diagnosis. in any case, i've been compelled to give all the nice food a miss, and woe be on me today, for i lost one of my studs as well.
the fallen saint left at 12:32 am
these days i have difficulty expressing myself to the ones i care about. i'm overwhelmed by the sense of the occasion and i don't know where to start on all the things i have or want to say.
the fallen saint left at 12:38 am
remember how when things seemed to go smoothly, it only needed one cock-up to ruin everything that was good before? it's amazing now, how in my current job it's the exact opposite.
the fallen saint left at 11:15 pm
i have no direction.
the fallen saint left at 11:32 pm
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
the morning and afternoon
had a forgettable in-between, followed by a malay man who called in later in the afternoon who enquired on the wireless network in singapore. he was one funny lad, constantly cursing at windows vista and he even joked with me about ORD. and that the government is steathily sucking away our money.. haha.
these two people really made my reluctance to work today fade away like footprints on the shoreline. joy doesn't necessarily have to be derived from going out of your way to exceed a customer's expectations, but occasionally, just being able to have a laugh with someone you don't know and have never met before, can be quite fulfilling as well. what makes it more unique is that you don't even know what the other person looks like.
and if only the world over could be like that, jovial and affable.
Monday, February 19, 2007
not a bright start
and i discovered a new pet peeve: poseurs who appear in photos pretending to own things that don't belong to them. i don't want to burrow my head in gruesome detail about this issue; the bottom line is i think these people need to wake up and accept reality. if you want something, work for it instead of pretending it's yours when it isn't. buy that beer with your own money, work hard for that car you love, or buy the damn top before you take a photo of yourself in it.
ignore my abuse. i'm grumpy despite having won money today. i just want to say that you can't live a lie forever, so you might as well burn off that fat rather than suck in the tummy.
Sunday, February 11, 2007
unconveyed
does anyone recall a pretty old mtv by ronan keating, 'when you say nothing at all'- the speech bubbles and all those concepts? sometimes i'm convinced that telepathy is the way forward, because then i can simply transmit my thoughts to whoever i seek to communicate with, without a need to structure them.
slowly but surely, i'm starting to lose myself; for what purpose, and to what end, i do not know yet. but it is happening.
Thursday, February 08, 2007
still learning, still trying
i remember what the trainer said, every disputive customer is an opportunity. well, technically, not all of them. aside from the ones who are financially incapable of paying their bills on time, those who have genuine doubts, queries and issues that are not directly related to money (i say directly because these days, what isn't related to money) are the ones who are sitting on the fence in terms of the loyalty of their patronage. i won't go so far as to say i'm entirely responsible for contributing to the consumer stickiness within this company because i'm hardly scratching the surface in terms of my contributions, but i'm just doing my bit to plug the leaks in the ship. and gradually as the water stops seeping in, you know you're on the right track.
i'm pretty much past the stage in which my day is spoilt by an unreasonable customer. i've accepted that in my line of work, that is the norm, because if there weren't any problems then nobody would call in and i wouldn't have a job. but it really makes my day to know that i have solved someone's problem, or clarified a person's doubts, and to top it all off, it's really encouraging to hear a stranger say that he hopes there are 'more people like you around to help us out'.
not to be smug or anything, but that's really all the fuel i need to keep trying to serve everyone as best as i can (as long as they deserve the help). i may not be the coolest, smoothest or calmest consultant over the phone, but i'm trying and hopefully one day i'll get there. just doing what i need to do, day by day.
Friday, February 02, 2007
aimless
this cannot go on. i must focus.
stock market. spanish. power boating. pool. weights. wealth of nations.
better to burn out than to watch the hours tick by.